54
by
Nina
Kallen
50 years ago:
What I think my mother sees:
A naughty girl.
Poopsie fresh bossy, you call me.
You think it is hilarious because
you think it is true.
I think it is mean.
You think girls can’t play with
hot wheels
Or cross the street without help.
You think they are always under
foot.
What my mother sees:
It is so hard to get through the
day.
Three children.
One takes little pills to calm down.
It doesn’t help.
He beats up his brother,
And the girl whines all the time.
What I am:
All the kids in the neighborhood
Are being cruel to a boy just a
little older than me.
They are pulling him onto a
wagon.
He is crying.
I know it is wrong.
I want to help.
It is the first time I feel like
myself.
37 years ago:
What I think my classmate sees:
My boobs must be glowing,
The way you stare at them.
I have finally started to brush
my hair every day.
I have finally started to answer
when people speak to me.
I am not the loser that I was,
But I will never be cool.
What my classmate sees:
If I can’t pay for college
I will never get out of this
sucky town.
I work more and more hours,
And my grades go down and down.
If that girl had to get a job,
She would not be able to drone on
about Ophelia.
What I am:
At the house where I babysit,
I read a long article about the
Killing Fields.
At Hebrew School we are told that
we can never
Let the Holocaust happen again.
It just did.
Why doesn’t everyone understand
that?
14 years ago:
What I think the mom from the
baby and me class sees:
A mom who barely works.
A
home office is nothing.
What the mom from the baby and
me class sees:
Another ear infection,
And the last time I slept through
the night
Was four years ago.
God bless anyone who has kids and
doesn’t kill them.
What I am:
Pregnant again.
And my best friend has died.
Can I carry on her legacy,
Or will life drag me down?
Today:
What I think my friend sees:
The one who kicked her husband to
the curb.
You wish you could be that
selfish.
What my friend sees:
If I have to go to one more
school concert
I swear I will kill myself.
And oh god I haven’t saved for my
kids’ college
Or my retirement.
She should stop complaining –
She got the house.
What I am:
The seer, the reader, the
mourner,
The one who can never do enough,
But has not yet given up.
