My poem, 2019

I won an honorable mention in the West Roxbury Library Poetry contest.  The theme of the poem was "Look Closer."

54

by

Nina Kallen

50 years ago:

What I think my mother sees:

A naughty girl.

Poopsie fresh bossy, you call me.

You think it is hilarious because you think it is true.

I think it is mean.

You think girls can’t play with hot wheels

Or cross the street without help.

You think they are always under foot.

What my mother sees:

It is so hard to get through the day.

Three children.

One takes little pills to calm down.

It doesn’t help. 

He beats up his brother,

And the girl whines all the time.

What I am:

All the kids in the neighborhood

Are being cruel to a boy just a little older than me.

They are pulling him onto a wagon.

He is crying.

I know it is wrong.

I want to help.

It is the first time I feel like myself. 

37 years ago:

What I think my classmate sees:

My boobs must be glowing,

The way you stare at them. 

I have finally started to brush my hair every day.

I have finally started to answer when people speak to me.

I am not the loser that I was,

But I will never be cool.

What my classmate sees:

If I can’t pay for college

I will never get out of this sucky town.

I work more and more hours,

And my grades go down and down.

If that girl had to get a job,

She would not be able to drone on about Ophelia.

What I am:

At the house where I babysit,

I read a long article about the Killing Fields.

At Hebrew School we are told that we can never

Let the Holocaust happen again.

It just did.

Why doesn’t everyone understand that?

14 years ago:

What I think the mom from the baby and me class sees:

A mom who barely works.

A  home office is nothing.

What the mom from the baby and me class sees:

Another ear infection,

And the last time I slept through the night

Was four years ago.

God bless anyone who has kids and doesn’t kill them. 

What I am:

Pregnant again.

And my best friend has died. 

Can I carry on her legacy,

Or will life drag me down?

Today:

What I think my friend sees:

The one who kicked her husband to the curb.

You wish you could be that selfish.

What my friend sees:

If I have to go to one more school concert

I swear I will kill myself.

And oh god I haven’t saved for my kids’ college

Or my retirement.

She should stop complaining –

She got the house.

What I am:

The seer, the reader, the mourner,

The one who can never do enough,

But has not yet given up.